And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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