I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
