i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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