my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize