let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
