i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
