a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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