Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
