sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
