Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
