yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
