You're my little dorito
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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