Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
