I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize