Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
