My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
