this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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