i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
