Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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