i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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