you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
