you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
