He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Life is so much better after having sex.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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