i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think my vagina is haunted
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
