awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
