Already got asked if we're dating
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just gargled with NyQuil
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
