I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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