Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
