dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
