its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
