he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
