if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
