You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize