Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
