I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
