I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
