matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize