It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
even my farts smell like vagina
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
