im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
