I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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