I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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