ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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