I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my being single is dangerous.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize