Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize