i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
