Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
