Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my poor anus
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
