the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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