I'm eating all of the evidence.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
