I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
