Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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