You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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