Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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