Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
