I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
