i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
