I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
