But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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