I hate your face
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
