I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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