mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
