I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
