all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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