i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
